If I go to yoga in my short red shorts…
…will my hams squeak against the mat?

Blog no fun.

Spa

To dream that you are at a spa, suggests that you need to take time out and pamper yourself. Perhaps you need to come clean and wash away old secrets, pains, or guilt. It is time to let your emotions out and begin the healing process.  Start fresh. 

from http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/s3.htm

I had a dream. Various guys who I think have liked me in the past were sort of around me at a manor/beach house/reality tv show house? where groups of people milled around. My dream attention centered its fuzzy viewfinder around the spa. The guys were around me, fully clothed but sort of slicing through the spa like paper dolls stuck through slits in space. For each of them, a golden, curling, sparkling line wafted toward me like the most inviting part of fresh baked cookies, and I cast my eyes down and reflected on what could be the golden part of each of these relationships.  I paused at each but followed none, because the steam was the sweetest part, the concentrated dimension where we connected, confined.

 

I prayed “What should I do with my life? What should I DO?” Yesterday, Waffle galloped gaily between two school dumpsters. On the side of one, in the middle of Jackson Pollack bird crap, there was a circular school sticker that said:

BREAK OUT OF YOUR SHELL!

YOU’LL FEEL GREAT AND OTHER PEOPLE WILL FEEL GREAT, TOO!

 

Can I not feel bad about wanting to do that anymore? I think this is permission. releasing me from. the rule. made by no one. from God himheritself.

Waffle mrrrmphs

SSRI medications have been shown to lower serotonin levels below initial level over time, despite initial increases in serotonin.^[19] This decrease in level did not rectify after the medicine was discontinued. However, the novel antidepressant Tianeptine, selective serotonin reuptake enhancer, has mood elevating effects. This has given evidence to the theory that serotonin is most likely used to regulate the extent or intensity of moods, and that low levels are what’s associated with SSRI sexual dysfunction and/or “mood blunting” experienced by people on these medications.

In a jiff

When I say or do pure things, people support me in that they voice agreement. I get surprised, because their actions don’t follow the agreed thing in a way I would expect action to follow belief. I feel betrayed, or like I’m out on a raft and people are giving me a thumbs up from the shore. It hedges my good efforts, creates resentment. I’m working to resolve this conflict.

People….. are….. different……. from……….. each other. It might be expecting too much for everyone to follow me on whatever individualistic path I’m ribboning. Maybe honestly the most they can do is shout, “I like what you’re doing” across the way. I wouldn’t want to spit on their gift.

fleef

! Look at this! I just read it in an article for Counseling (the course):

Thus, it helps to begin sessions with children by sharing

something fun and interesting. Games, clay, and toys in the counseling room are

useful when dealing with children. You will find that children generally like to do

something with their hands while they talk; having a child draw a picture during

rhe conversation can often be useful to the child and to the interviewer. And the

drawings often reveal what is going on in the child’s life.

It appears that I’ve retained this… The older I get, the more I notice people sort of peer at me when I pull out the composition book and start drawing while we speak… It’s not something I want to give up to adult custom, so I ignore how it might be different.

 

Kudos to Steven for the new banner inspiration! I was talking to him about how I feel I’ve given up alot of my freedom to be baffling to others for the sake of being easily understood by others, I suppose, and Steven said, “It saddens me that you’ve circumscribed the kook for others…. The kook! The kook!” The murder dreams and the pervading sadness over time grieve this… and won’t let me settle peacably into a slightly-dead-inside adult routine. I know at least three people in my life who have inadvertently discouraged my originality by saying something like, “You always have to be different”, as if I’m purposefully trying to show up the people around me. It just so happens that, in order to be authentic, the difference just happens so. But if we’re all being authentic, not one of us needs to feel less special!

The font is sticking with me from now on, I guess (in this entry).

I saw The Uninvited with Annie and her friend Kendall for $1.50 at Golden Triangle Mall last night. hahahah. I spent half the time hiding my face behind a popcorn bag and waiting for the suspenseful music jolt to be over. I’m glad Annie and Kendall were – and even all eight other people in the theatre seemed – open to aloud banter. Some memorable mome’s:

when dead-mom’s-nurse-turned-dad’s-girlfriend Rachel was trying to make friends with daughter Anna, she said, “I became someone that no one fucked with.” It seems like a writer forgot how most White upper-middle class families speak.

Anna knocked a roast off the counter. Rachel shrieked, “What did you do!”, and in one motion swooped down, stabbed it with a cutlery knife, and slammed it on the counter like a Viking.

In reference to the roast she said, “You know the secret to a roast? Let it sit for ten minutes before carving it. It lets the blood soak in.”

Also, “Some of those people I nursed treated me like dirt, but I knew they would be dead very. very. soon.”

So many bold-faced “I’M A MURDERER” leads.

and yeah I understand what the filmmakers are meaning to convey. I just laugh at obvious speech or the contrast between what most people in real life would do and what people in movays do. I guess Anna was ‘psycho’ in the end, so the world would have seemed like a scarier place from her eyes anyway. Why am I analyzing this.

They were out of large popcorn bags, too, so we paid for a medium and got a free refill! It was delicious. Small, run-down theatres might have better popcorn.

 Annie wore a dress and a plastic crown she’d donned at her flat, and I thought of how INFPs are the princess (or prince) of their own fairytales.

 

 

This tattoo is floating along the neck napes of a few different girls in my classes:

Does it mean something more than what I think? I mean it looks neat, but I wonder why they all have it. Oh, maybe it’s a common tattoo design that’s on the tattoo parlor wall….

Today I twice typed “goodness” with a space between good and ness. I enjoy it.

good ness

Punchy!

at this moment

I have many words, but they aren’t the words of songs. I have no poetry.

(yet)